Lots of people have been asking me how I am doing since I got back to Canada.
And while there are many reasons that it is good to be home, there are also many that are not great. Certainly I don’t mean to say any of this to complain in any way, I just want to let you know where I am at, for real…. for me.
When we left Canada for Hawaii, we knew that we had just moved into a duplex after selling our home. We knew that our life was 75% boxes in disarray and disorganization, and figured that would be just fine. Of course I had no plans to be critically injured during the race….. and now here we are.
Getting home has been anything but relaxing for that reason. This is a nice place, but it is NOT home. When you add in the fact that I am pretty dependent on Hilary for many of my daily functions like getting dressed or eating, it’s a LOT, and I feel bad for her. It’s almost like she has two 3-year-olds to deal with now, a big one and a little one.
To be concise on the injuries, here is what we are dealing with:
I have a bad concussion and that, more than anything is challenging. It requires frequent napping, makes it so I cannot concentrate for long periods, and has me walking around in a bit of a fog. I cannot concentrate on anything for very long, and spending any time on the computer is just not working yet. Since we moved into this house, we do not have the television set up or cable set up or anything, so I suppose that is a blessing. I can’t watch it anyway…. but part of me thinks it might be nice.
The back of my head is full of metal staples and stitches, and they are very uncomfortable. That makes it hard to sleep and it is sore…. Judging by peoples’ expressions, it doesn’t look good either. It does make it hard to sleep. I can tell you that. The metal staples are quite attached to my skulle/skin and when they get snagged on a pillow thread, it’s not good.
Another residual problem of the concussion and the skull fracture is that I can’t hear very well on my right side. The doctor looked at it today and said it is very swollen and I believe he used the term ‘angry’. He said there is nothing we can do about it, we just have to be patient and wait for the swelling to go down.
My left arm, (my dominant arm) is damaged. They did not know why in the intensive care unit, but given that their primary concern at the time was my brain function, they didn’t assign it a very high priority. That means we still do not really know why my left arm doesn’t work and I am getting more xrays tomorrow. I can move it around a bit and using my right arm, I can lift it or put it places but can’t really do anything useful with it on its own. That might not seem like a big deal, but try to live your day without your dominant hand. Try brushing her teeth. Try wiping yer butt! It’s almost like my right arm is not designed for those things, and has no idea how to work.
Adding to that problem, my left shoulder aches all the time from where the collarbone is broken. It hurts constantly and doesn’t matter whether I use the figure 8 brace or the arm sling it just aches.
Then we get to add in the broken ribs. Which makes it impossible to take a deep breath. I have to tell you, that as an athlete, I got used to taking a deep breath once in a while. If I accidentally tried to do that now it is a sharp instant stabbing pain. And God forbid I have to cough for any reason…. No way!
Finally I suppose we have to mention the open sores that I have everywhere. On my knees, my ankles, my elbows, my wrists, and several other spots that were scraped along the highway that fateful day. Lots of them are finally healing up, and most of the ones on my face are gone so at least I don’t look like an outcast from a Halloween film apart from the blotchy pink areas where new skin has no tan lines.
I do also think of my race friend Christian Isaakson – who crashed on day 2 like I did, (on another area of the course). He broke 6 ribs and a few other things including a punctured lung. He is STILL in hospital trying to exist….. so I’m grateful, and thinking of him too….. he also has a family……
So aside from those minor items, I feel pretty good and it is nice to be home in Canada on stable ground.
I was in the gym for a few hours tonight, while we had our son childcare, so that Hilary could go out to do some errands.
Oh….That’s the other thing, I am not allowed to drive for a while, which I am not a fan of (although I understand). Even if I was allowed to drive, both pairs of prescription glasses I use were smashed during the race. One pair (sunnies) was destroyed during the race; smashed into a dozen pieces, most of which went flying over the bridge, and the other pair; by accident in moving bags around in the van. So there’s that to add to my daily a challenges.
At any rate, it was nice to be at the gym and see lots of wonderful people that are happy I am okay. I have such great staff at the gym and they have done a wonderful job of keeping everything going in my absence. I am deeply worried about my ability to be useful in the next few weeks and get things going on some of the big January programs that we are working on.
Lots of the work that I did while in Hawaii on these programs was in my mind, or incomplete. Not something I can hand off to anyone. So that indeed will be interesting. I will very much have to improve my ability to delegate and to work with other people in a capacity I’ve never known before. That will be a good thing.
Just writing this blog post has been challenging, and is the result of a new program. One of my business coaches uses ‘Dragon, Naturally Speaking’, so I downloaded it, because it takes forever for me to type anything with my ‘wrong’ hand.
If I am to look outside of my own bubble, and think about the bigger picture even in part, which is partly the film and the race and everything. The thoughts get complicated fast.
Am I disappointed that I had a DNF on this race? Absolutely.
Am I thrilled that I’m alive and not dead as I so nearly was? Absolutely.
Just looking at my three-year-old son makes me happy that I’m okay. And although I am frustrated to be physically limited right now, I know that in a very short period of time I will be back to my normal self and able to play with him like usual. He probably won’t even remember this.
I am very concerned that the head concussion will carry on and be a problem, because I have seen that in other friends. I hope that is not the case, but I do know that when I lay my head down or close my eyes for a moment, the entire world is spinning, and I don’t like that at all.
I had high hopes that the fundraising for the film would go very well on day two and three of the race as people got inspired. Instead I ended up in the hospital and all fundraising efforts stopped instantly. That concerns me too because now we are home, and the bills and invoices have grown larger, while the fundraising has not.
I guess the pressure is on now to create a brilliant film and try to inspire people to donate to the cause after the race.
I suppose there are endless things to worry about looking forward, but my number one goal right now is to heal and to get back to good. Hilary and Kaden put up the inflatable Christmas Tree outside and Kaden is THRILLED…. so I will keep looking for those things….. because life is amazing…. and being ‘not dead’ is full of possibilities!!!
One of my favorite sayings comes into play: “Great…… so what are you going to DO about it?”
Thanks for tuning in.
This article was written by admin